Fifty Shades Freed

Chapters Four and Five: Ana Steele is a Melania Who Thinks she’s a Michelle

“I’m restless.” Do you want to know why Anastasia Steele is restless, readers? No, me neither but we don’t have a choice. She’s restless because her husband has been “holed up in the onboard study for over an hour”. She then goes on to list all of the activities that she has tried to distract…… Continue reading Chapters Four and Five: Ana Steele is a Melania Who Thinks she’s a Michelle

Fifty Shades Freed

Chapters Two & Three:Why Do They Do This to Girls Like Me?

Chapter Two begins with Christian forcing Ana to cover up while they’re on the beach. Now, the last time I picked this piece of tar up, it was a pre-Lemonade world. Now, it’s a post-Lemonade world and I can say without any remorse that Anastasia Steele is definitely  a “Becky with the good hair”. She’s…… Continue reading Chapters Two & Three:Why Do They Do This to Girls Like Me?

Fifty Shades Freed

Chapter One: You did this, world. You did this by buying this trash.

It’s been two long years. Two long, agonising, frustrating, hair falling out, questioning the publishing industry, questioning natural taste, questioning life itself years and I have reached numero three. The two previous books did nothing other than introduce us all to the most lifeless, detestable and downright pathetic couple to ever grace literature with their moaning and…… Continue reading Chapter One: You did this, world. You did this by buying this trash.