Fifty Shades Darker

A Very Late and Cranky Review

I’m not a quitter but I do occasionally regret starting this mission. Sure, in a pre-Trump, pre-Brexit world–this was all hilarious. The idea of a pussy-grabbing billionaire existing outside of the pages of these atrocious novels seemed a lark and improbable. 2016 fucking showed us. Anyway. The sequel to the somewhat moronic “Fifty Shades of…… Continue reading A Very Late and Cranky Review

Fifty Shades Darker

Chapters 19/20: THE SECOND TO LAST BLOG POST

Oh, la! This is the penultimate post concerning “Fifty Shades Darker”. And what an enlightening journey it has been. It’s somewhat remarkable for an author to produce a novel of 465 pages and have literally zero plot or character development. Not since spotty adolescents locked themselves away writing terrible fan fiction has there been tat…… Continue reading Chapters 19/20: THE SECOND TO LAST BLOG POST

Fifty Shades Darker

Chapters 14-18: Plot? No. Character? No. Butt Plugs? Yes!

OH, LAWD! It’s been an age. Life has well and truly gotten in the way of this blog; I’m dating again, I have a ton of coursework to complete and I’m ¬†entering scripts and projects into the stratosphere left, right and centre but I can’t leave a job undone and while I hate these books,…… Continue reading Chapters 14-18: Plot? No. Character? No. Butt Plugs? Yes!

Fifty Shades Darker

Chapter Twelve and Thirteen: 23 years old and those guys weren’t you.

Late again in uploading, but I kissed goodbye to being twenty-two this week so you must forgive me. This week’s entry will be getting a little serious at the end of the post, but I will try (despite my current feeling of lowness) to be as funny and amusing as possible. Chapter Twelve opens with…… Continue reading Chapter Twelve and Thirteen: 23 years old and those guys weren’t you.

Fifty Shades Darker

Chapters Ten and Eleven: Pool sounds much smoother than Snooker

Sorry I’m so late!! This last week consisted of London Fashion Week, an award show, Ryan Adams dropping his 1989 cover (which left me crying on the bathroom floor while “This Love” played over and over again) and an opening night. I’ve quite literally spent the last few days in bed recovering and letting my…… Continue reading Chapters Ten and Eleven: Pool sounds much smoother than Snooker

Fifty Shades Darker

Chapters Eight and Nine: E.L James clearly only knows/practices two sex positions

Sooooooooo Chapter seven ended with Christian and Ana returning to Grey’s digs only to discover that his high-class security team somehow didn’t notice a lone woman sneaking into his private home. So chapter eight begins with Christian and Taylor rushing inside to investigate while Ana waits helplessly outside. Leila, Christian’s ex-sub is the suspect. She’s…… Continue reading Chapters Eight and Nine: E.L James clearly only knows/practices two sex positions