Fifty Shades Darker

Chapter Twelve and Thirteen: 23 years old and those guys weren’t you.

Late again in uploading, but I kissed goodbye to being twenty-two this week so you must forgive me. This week’s entry will be getting a little serious at the end of the post, but I will try (despite my current feeling of lowness) to be as funny and amusing as possible.

Chapter Twelve opens with the arrival of Elena, Christian’s former female dominant and all-around mischief-maker. She is actually very polite and respectful upon entering the flat, but Ana scowls and bristles at her presence. You know, because she’s an insecure little girl who doesn’t know how to share. Also, when Elena reveals that the reason she has been trying to contact Christian is because her ex-husband is blackmailing her, Ana smiles with glee.


After Elena leaves, Ana turns into the little troll we rarely get exposed to. She belittles and shames the other woman, and when Christian gets angry and calls her on it, she turns back into the weepy victim.

“Why are you so mad?”

Maybe because you’re a two-faced, little cunt? Food for thought.

They have sex a few times in their perfunctory, unexciting manner and the conversation is dropped. Ana leaves for work and is complimented on her dress by her creepy boss.

“I flush. The dress is part of my new wardrobe, courtesy of my very rich boyfriend.”

What the everlasting fuck did I just read? Excuse me while I hurl; I love fashion and may have worn Vivienne Westwood and Manolo’s for my birthday this week, but those things? I paid for with my money that I worked and lost sleep for so this girl can put her head in the oven.

Ana is given a pile of manuscripts to go over once she’s settled in the office, but she ignores this instruction and decides to waste her time emailing her boyfriend/sugar daddy. Also, for some undisclosed reason, Kate’s brother, Ethan, is coming to visit Ana. They’re apparently great platonic friends, though I wouldn’t be surprised if it were revealed that he, too, is secretly pining for the unbelievably attractive and humble Ana Steele.

Ana is picked up by Christian after work and stops briefly at her apartment to meet Ethan who is supposedly inside. She is buzzed in and enters alone, only to be greeted by an “impassive” Leila with a revolver.

Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuun!!

Shoot her, Leila! Do us all a favour and shoot the bitch!

They stare at one another in silence for a few minutes and Leila, regrettably, does not shoot Ana.

“She tilts her head to one side, regarding me as if I’m an exhibit in a freak show. Jeez, I’m not the freak here.”

Oh, God, fucking plug the bitch, Leila. Put some lead between her self-centred eyes and make my fucking day. If it’s not her victim complex, her pleasure in being paid for by a dude or her lack of intellect and spine that pisses me off, it’s her clearly sensitive ability to deal with the mentally ill.

Fuck you, Ana.

Sadly, Ana is unharmed as Christian and Taylor burst into the room. In one of the most disturbing parts of this horrific novel, Christian mouths some random word at Leila that instantly causes her to drop the gun and fall into a kneeling, submissive position. It makes me feel properly ill, but also disappointed that Ana is still alive. Christian decides to stay and help Leila and commands Taylor to remove Ana for her own safety.

“Angry at me? No way. Please–no! I feel like he’s slapped me hard. Why does he want to stay with her?”


Ana decides to punish Christian for daring to show empathy for another woman by going out drinking with Kate’s attractive brother. She’s moans and complains that for once her boyfriend’s attention is not entirely focused upon her.

When she returns to the apartment, Leila is gone and she continues to punish Christian for daring to send her away and attend to the “very sick girl”. Christian says what we’re all thinking; “it’s not about you, Ana” and that’s the final straw. Ana Steele can’t live in a world where she’s not the only woman, so she flips out and talks about leaving him.

This is all so healthy and romantic, I don’t know what I’ve been so critical about all these months.

He tells her he loves her and becomes desperate at the thought of her going but she’s having a tantrum and is feeling her fantasy and will be damned in Christian Grey will get in her way.

Thus the chapter ends.

I sometimes wonder why this book rubs me the wrong way, when it clearly rubs millions of women the right way. I can’t claim to be an expert on love and relationships; I have a very rocky history myself.

I turned 23 this week and actually enjoyed my birthday, a rare thing. I spent the evening with some amazing personalities, drank without worrying about money or consequences and sang myself hoarse at a karaoke bar in Soho. A couple of guys at the bar we started in showed some interest and while they were handsome and clean and they seemed very nice….

They weren’t the one I want.

If there is one good thing to be found in tragic books and films like this one, it’s that people do try. They actually try. They say what they want and they take a risk, and it usually pays off.

Failure is never as frightening as regret. I wish I had been honest about how I felt. I think living with rejection would be so much easier to take than living with a constant question.

If you’re reading this, you should know that you are incredibly hard to work out. Which is one of the best things about you. But if you don’t mean the things you do, you need to leave me alone. It would be so much easier to forget about the love that never even really happened if you become a faded memory.

I want you to have the greatest life possible. Just not, you know…right in front of me.

Leaves on the breeze, indeed.

Until next time, shaders….


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