Are we going to miss these two? Most likely not….

Well, who would have thought we’d end up here? It has never, in my entire life, taken me this long to read a book so well done, E.L. James. So without further ado, we have Chapter twenty-five. If you can’t remember where we left off, it’s okay because neither can I. Grey probably told Ana to stop rolling her eyes and then reminded her that he’s a bad man who is incapable of love.

This chapter begins with Ana’s mother hugging her goodbye, which is nice.

“Follow your heart, darling, and please, please try not to overthink things”.

Oh, no worries there, Mrs. Ana. Anastasia Steele does not think about anything, let alone overthink things. No danger there.

Her mother goes on to tell her that she deserves the best of everything. You’d think Ana was about to walk down the aisle or have major surgery by the way this scene is going; overdramatic dialogue and Ana welling up while “I love you”s are bandied about like shuttlecocks.

Once Ana is safely settled in first-class, courtesy of her sex buddy’s money, she takes a moment to reflect. There is, amongst all the drivel, a little bit of actual grit when Ana muses, “The BDSM is a distraction from the real issue”.

Well, we got there in the end, Ana. What else.

“He doesn’t even love himself”.

No, he does not. And can a person ever truly share in real love if they do not love their own self? Food for thought…

After this one brief moment of clarity we’re forced to endure more mindless emails between the two of them. This book would have been ten times more interesting if their entire relationship had been on a cyber level and they didn’t actually know what the other person looked like until they finally met face to face. Or maybe they used fake names and actually knew each other in real life.

Or is that “The Shop Around the Corner”? “You’ve Got Mail”? “She Loves Me”?

All three are superior love stories. I wish Nora Ephron could have written this instead.

Taylor, Grey’s valet, meets Ana when she disembarks the plane and drives her straight to Christian. The upper class clearly suits Ana as she orders Taylor to put some “soothing” music on. Step one in being a douche, Ana. Bossing about your boyfriend’s staff.

Thumbs up.

The minute Ana enters Grey’s flat, he hangs up the phone and tells her to get in the shower with him. Ana, of course, complies but unfortunately decides to have sex with him rather than drown him.

I can’t imagine anything worse than having to be attractive and sexual after a long flight. I think anyone, man or woman, who has ever been on such a thing would agree. Plane smell and cabin fever are major turn-offs.

It’s the same dialogue before, after and during the sex. Until Ana brings up Jose and his photography show that’s coming up “soon”. Grey stiffens, clearly still a little jealous about Jacob Black–sorry, I mean Jose. However, he says that she can go as long as he can accompany her.

That may be why she brought it up, cockwomble. As an invitation rather than asking permission.

The next few pages are the two of them indulging in some BDSM play. Ana is extremely submissive while he is, obviously, dominant. However, it’s still uncomfortable for me to read. She, in her character, is too submissive in “real life” to make the bedroom play fun reading. Knowing that she’s sexually inexperienced and that this is the first man she’s ever had feelings for makes her vulnerability in the bedroom rather frightening to me.

When it’s finally over, Ana asks Grey about his choice in music. He says that it’s a song he’s “always wanted to fuck to”.

At this point, I would push him out of the bed and turn on Taylor Swift just to piss him off.

Because, Christian, we are never, ever, ever…getting back together. Like, ever.

It’s a short chapter and after Ana decides that he’s endearing rather than disgusting, she mentions that he never tells jokes. He reveals that he can’t tell jokes.

Therefore Christian has, in his own words, clarified why I will never find him attractive reading. He doesn’t make me laugh…He isn’t funny. If you can’t make me laugh, you’ll never make me swoon, Christian, I’m so sorry. None of the sexual language, none of the brooding gazes and not one penny of that fictional money of yours will make you worth loving until you grow a sense of humour.

So that’s it! The last WRITTEN blog entry on “Fifty Shades of Grey”. The final chapter will be read aloud for you either next week or the week after as a celebration of the end of it all and a thank you to all the wonderful people who have been reading along, following the blog, emailing me, commenting, liking, sharing and stopping me at parties and whispering that you’ve secretly been reading and loving the blog since the beginning. I love you all and hope you like what we have for you coming up!

And to celebrate our countdown in better love stories, here’s a big collection. I beg you to watch it, even if you don’t like the music. It’s worth it for Christian and Satine!

Until next time, guys…


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